


As If to Meet the Moon

by Moontain (Valgus)



Series: The Moon's Attachment [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Drabble, Drama, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 13:57:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6426562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valgus/pseuds/Moontain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Don’t you wish you can always be with Tsukishima, Yamaguchi?”</p><p>“I am not worried."</p><p>“No?”</p><p>“No. Absolutely not.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	As If to Meet the Moon

“The moon is a loyal companion.

It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human.

Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.”

― Tahereh Mafi, _Shatter Me_

* * *

 

“Don’t you wish you can always be with Tsukishima, Yamaguchi?” asked Sugawara, somewhere inside the clubroom, a mere half of a second away from Tsukishima cranked the door open.

It was just a little after evening practice started. The first years had gathered at the hall at the Principal's request, so they were all late. Apparently Sugawara was going back to the clubroom for some reason, hence the reason he met Yamaguchi who reached the clubroom first before Tsukishima.

Tsukishima had fidgeted behind the closed door. He really shouldn’t be listening to this, but his legs felt like they were frozen and he was pinned in place. He wondered what sort of thing happened behind the door that his senpai could reach this sort of conversation with Yamaguchi.

And Yamaguchi had laughed so freely at the question.

“I am not worried,” he said, with the usual cheeriness Tsukishima was very familiar with.

“No?”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“So, let’s say, Yamaguchi, even though one day Tsukishima found someone he’d like to be involved with romantically and not hanging out with you anymore, you’re not afraid if the moment ever came?”

Tsukishima could hear Yamaguchi’s nodding his head as he made agreeing noise. “Yes. I’m not afraid nor worried.”

“Even though you like him so much?” Sugawara’s voice was careful yet caring.

And Yamaguchi had laughed so freely once again, like he had expected the question, like he had been through this before, “Not in the slightest. I think there’s a difference between liking someone and being liked back.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. They are two separate things. I suppose, you usually want someone you love to love you back the way you love them. But I think, you can love someone without really wanting them to love you in return.”

“That’s very considerate of you, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi chuckled for a while at that, “Not really. I’ve admired Tsukki for a very long time. I think, at this point, I just want him to be happy. I don’t think his happiness will come with being with me—“

Tsukishima clenched his fist behind the door.

“—And I’ve accepted that long time ago, so I have no problem with whatever sort of change will come into our relationship in the future.”

“Yamaguchi, didn’t you say that just because you’re actually quite popular yourself? You’re tall and smart too,” Sugawara chuckled.

And every time Yamaguchi laughed somewhere in the distance, just a couple of steps away from Tsukishima, though it felt like he was million miles away, Tsukishima had wished harder and harder to be able to walk away, to run away, because he was thinking too much his head felt hot and he was feeling too much his chest was clenching in pain.

“I’m not that popular, Senpai,” he chuckled shyly and Tsukishima somehow felt like crying.

“I won’t say that. I’m not going to be surprised if you found a girlfriend soon yourself. I know you’ve been with Tsukishima for a very long time, but maybe try to think about your own future and, I don’t know… happiness? You deserve to be happy too, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi didn’t say anything in return.

Even if he did say something, Tsukishima didn’t hear it, because at that moment Hinata and Kageyama appeared from the stairs, loud and bickering at each other about whether to use soy sauce or tomato sauce for sunny side up egg. Feeling how hot and damp his face was, Tsukishima knew he couldn’t let the odd duo to see his face like that, so he finally turned around and ran away, trotting down the stairs without really greeting or looking at his teammates.

“Eh? Tsukishima?” Hinata had turned around when Tsukishima rushed past them. “Where are you going?”

“Leave him be,” Tsukishima heard Kageyama grumbled. “Don’t involve yourself in other people’s matter.”

“But…!”

“I know he looked sort of distressed and you want to help him because you’re his teammate,” sighed Kageyama as Tsukishima stopped at the bottom of the stairs, their voices still could be heard clearly. “But sometimes you shouldn’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. Beside, this is Tsukishima we’re talking about…”

And Tsukishima had run again at that.

It appeared that even Kageyama, someone who was so tyrannical and uncaring about other people’s feeling, understood Tsukishima better than the blond understand himself. But perhaps Kageyama had changed into someone like that because he had someone who could take him heads up wholeheartedly, someone who was also just as volleyball freak as he was.

Tsukishima never thought that the day he felt jealous of Hinata and Kageyama’s relationship would come. Sure, the weird duo said absolutely nothing to the team, but even the super dense Tanaka and Nishinoya could pick up that Hinata and Kageyama had much more special relationship than partner in court. And they understood each other’s so well, too.

And Tsukishima had thought that he understood Yamaguchi.

But he was wrong.

He was so very _wrong_.

Though Yamaguchi seemed very content to have Tsukishima around and pretty much liked Tsukishima more than just a best friend did, Yamaguchi had absolutely no problem of letting Tsukishima go. And Tsukishima had no idea why he felt like a hole on his chest has opened and leaked at the thought.

Yamaguchi had absolutely no problem of letting him go.

And it terrified Tsukishima so much to think that Yamaguchi would actually leave him and went on with his life.

It terrified him so much he felt his eyes started to turn watery and his glasses fogged up at the moment.

*)*

When evening practice finished, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi left the school together as usual. But as they approached the street they usually parted, Tsukishima might as well be walking to a death sentence. He didn’t want to be parted to Yamaguchi tonight. Tsukishima had been glancing at Yamaguchi so much in that evening practice, but no one seemed to really realise it. Even Yamaguchi himself didn’t.

And Tsukishima felt like he had been screaming inside with no one being able to hear him.

When they finally reached the street where they always parted, just by the streetlamp, Yamaguchi had kept walking, content and solemn as usual, “I’ll see you on Monday, Tsukki!”

Tsukishima grabbed the bottom of Yamaguchi’s jacket before he realised it.

Yamaguchi had almost stumbled because he didn’t expect the grab.

“Huh? What is it?” he turned around to look up slightly at red-faced Tsukishima.

And Tsukishima had no idea what he was supposed to say or do at this time. He hadn’t plan this far just yet. Even his body seemed to move on his own.

“It’s nothing,” said Tsukishima, years of stubbornness corrected him first from actually saying things like, ‘Let me sleep over at your house’, which Tsukishima was sure Yamaguchi would agree.

_I don’t think his happiness will come with being with me…_

Tsukishima didn’t want to think about that.

He let go of Yamaguchi’s jacket and straightened up his back, sighing and putting up cool face once again, “I’ll see you next week.” And he walked away first, running away again for that day.

Tsukishima had no idea he could be so hurt from Yamaguchi’s, “Okay!” nor the fact that he didn’t go after him.

When he turned to a corner and was sure that Yamaguchi could no longer see or hear him, he broke into a run. He reached his house panting to his mother’s confusion and went straight to bed after shower without dinner.

*)*

That night, just sometime after 2 AM, Yamaguchi woke up to one miscall and a message, time stamped at 1:57 AM.

`I want to see you right now. Can you come outside and meet me? –T`

**Author's Note:**

> I want to write tons and tons of TsukkiYama! I want to write fluffy and lovey dovey and cute TsukkiYama, but instead I wrote this rather gloom piece about them.
> 
> And the cliff-hanger too... (I'm so sorry.)
> 
> The title is taken from Robert Frost's, "We ran as if to meet the moon."
> 
> Thank you for reading this.
> 
>  **Additional note written on April 3rd 2016:**
> 
> Since some comments suggested me to write more, I do think about writing some sort of second chapter to this. I intended to leave it at cliff-hanger as it is, but perhaps I should give Tsukishima a peace of mind or something. (I'm so sorry, Tsukki!) I do have something in mind on what follows Tsukki's early morning message, but I don't really want to promise you anything. When the time is right, perhaps I will be able to write a continuation.
> 
>  **Additional note written on April 4th 2016:** Now there is a continuation! I don't think it's much, but I hope you enjoy it. c:


End file.
